My usual blog day is the 15th, and my last entry was titled Swim or Sink. At that time, I was curled up in a fetal position, drifting in an ocean of tension and distress,  depressed, terrified, lonely, and feeling my available choices were really no choices at all.  Afraid of drowning emotionally, I reached out to my blog friends and asked to borrow their water wings.

That was ten days ago. So much has happened in the last ten days that it takes my breath away. Fortunately, the lenders of those great water wings shared their oxygen tanks, too!

First the  Part-time Job: With the help of my dearest friend Randy, I was able to write a “resume lite” version of my career experience & professional accomplishments, overcome my fears about being too old and not having the right education, and figure out how to navigate the intimidating process of on-line employment applications. Sending missives off into cyberspace was demoralizing. It worked, though. I had four interviews my first week, got a job offer at the first interview (the job I wanted), and started three days later.

Every night after my shift, I cried as I drove home. I cried because I never imagined doing this kind of work at this point in my life. I cried because my body hurt.  I cried because I haven’t been a “newbie” in many decades, and I afraid I wouldn’t be able to cut it.  That lasted for four days.

I decided to be grateful for the job. I nailed the learning curve. I became  very good at my job. Frankly, I am pretty sure I made more money at my first job several centuries ago.  (laughter). But no more tears. At least not about this…

Next the Apartment: The next thing was getting a place of my own. I went to a residential complex  that  I had looked at once before. At that time, I wasn’t ready emotionally.  Now, everything just clicked into place.

The exact model I wanted was finally available. It’s a studio, no bigger than a bug’s ear. It is an end unit, on the ground level, which  opens onto a grassy hill. I’m close to the doggie play area. It is perfect for my puppy, Ollie. There is a place to store my bike. The property management will let me container-garden to my heart’s content. Across the street is a bike path along a lovely stream. This place  has everything I need, and not one square inch more. It will do. I signed the lease.

Guess what? I haven’t actually been inside the unit yet. I had to rent it sight unseen. The leasing agent said that sometimes you just have to take a chance. I laughed and said this surely wasn’t the biggest risk I would be  taking, and smiled as I signed the paperwork.  I move in about a week.

The Next Step: The apartment part was fun. This next step will be sad. I have to talk, really talk with my husband, who I love dearly, and confirm what we both know – that  we need to be apart.  This is very difficult. Maybe once it wasn’t true, but now there is no one to blame, no one to fault. It would be so much easier if I could wallow in a little righteous indignation or outright hostility. But that isn’t the case.  I am much better at bearing my own hurt, than hurting others.

There are many more “next steps”  in this journey.  I expect things will become scary and lonely and overwhelming again. I still have some very big questions without any clear answers. I have one answer, though. It’s something I didn’t know about  before.

Right there, on the sidelines, there is this crazy squad of kick-ass cheerleaders. They are wearing water wings, bench pressing oxygen tanks, and high kicking in their brightly colored mini-skirts & plaid knee socks. You can hear them yelling, as they wildly shaking their pom poms.

“Go, Rox, GO!”

They are silly. They are outrageous. They are amazing. They are risk takers.

“Go, Rox, GO!”

They are love in action.

They are you.

Roxann Souci As an abstract painter working with brightly colored, translucent acrylics, Roxann expresses her passion through her artwork. "I want to touch touch people's emotions with my art. I want to bring joy". At a pivotal time in her life, her fellow bloggers have been a source of strength and encouragement. Her artwork can be found at her on-line gallery. my website.
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