The Risk of Choosing My Religion
Have you ever been afraid to look too closely at something because you may no longer be able to accept it despite its flaws?
When it comes to religion, I never made a conscious choice. Instead, I inherited it. My parents are and always have been active members of the same church for their entire lives. As a child, I was baptized, took religious education, and attended the school affiliated with my church. But in the last couple of years, even though it is a regular part of my life, I don’t feel like I know enough about it and I find myself seeking more information. When my husband asks me questions about my religion, too often I answer, “just because.” He grew tired of that a long time ago. I am growing tired not knowing.
My church offers a class that would give me the opportunity to learn more. But, I have been afraid to look too closely at it and find out I don’t whole heartedly agree with it. I have worried about how it will affect my relationship with my religion.
Until now. I have reached the point where I am willing to take the risk so that my questions will be answered, so I can learn more, and maybe find what I am seeking. For Lent, I have signed up for the class. I am nervous about what my other classmates might think of my questions. Will I be among the choir? Will I be the rebel at the back of the class? Will it strengthen my faith, have no effect, or make me search elsewhere? Will I be able to overlook its blemishes and love it for its whole being? Will I find unacceptable flaws?
At the end of Lent, I will report back on how I felt about taking this risk.
Tessa Lemos is a Chicana who grew up and was educated in the Pacific Northwest, blossomed in New York City, and now lives in Nashville where she continues to learn and grow. She is a lawyer by training, administrator by profession, and organizer by habit. She spends her days with her children and her nights with her husband and squeezes in the words as much as possible.
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Welcome as a Risk-a-Day blogger, Tessa, and thank you for bravely sharing. Whether you ultimately find you are among the choir or the back-of-the-class rebel, your act of DELIBERATELY seeking is an important one that draws you closer to another community – one of people living intentional and examined lives. Thank you for letting us have a glimpse of your journey!
P.S. I highly recommend the book Devotion by Dani Shapiro as one which will enlighten your journey. I just finished it and will be blogging about it soon at http://korywells.wordpress.com.
I applaud you, Tessa. Good for you.
Tessa — I’m glad to make your blogging acquaintance!
Your post is beautifully timed for some reflecting I’ve been doing about my own spiritual path — beliefs, religion, habits, rituals, roots, etc. Like you, I grew up with and continued in adulthood to follow one particular religous “way.” Recently, some circumstances have shaken it all up for me.
My questioning and exploration began tentatively (like you, I was afraid of what I might discover…). But now, as I am indeed uncovering, shall we say, some “interesting” perspectives, it’s become a much more exhilerating process.
I am reading several books (is it possible to read just one book at a time? LOL) that are challenging my thinking. I may land right back where I started, but even more firmly, for all I know — but I am noticing an increasing level of detachment to the outcome of my exploration/questioning. I’m accepting it as a process… an adventure, even. And, thanks to Kory’s comment, I must now add another book to my list!
I’m feeling gratitude for the thought provocation and encouragement you have provided today, through your story of courageous questioning.
Thank you for all of the warm welcomes. I am excited to be a part of this team.
I have already hit a couple of bumps, but hopefully, the road will smooth out going forward.
Hey, Tessa – I want to add my official welcome, too! And also to say, “May your bumps become blessings when you look back upon them!”
As it turned out, I am glad I took the class. We were an odd little bunch coming from very different places and very different spiritual journeys, but all of us were there to learn more. Our facilitator did a wonderful job of preparing and helping to guide our conversations so that we didn’t stretch too far off topic.
I do still take issue with some aspects of the church, but from hearing all of the varied perspectives of my classmates, it was reassuring to know I was not alone, it opened my eyes to some new perspectives, and opened my eyes to some of the reasoning. And when my husband asks me questions about the topics we covered, I feel good about being able to say something more than “just because.”