Ciao from the coast of Slovenia, nestled up on the eastern shoulder of Italy.  I’m on tour here, getting to make music with amazingly gifted European players.  When I come here – as I blessedly get to do twice a year – the demons I fight in the States subside a bit.  The insecurity that thinks it can be cured by the next ambitious achievement abates and I can think with greater clarity.

As a Christian, I think a lot about what kind of fruit I am bearing in the world. Alas, not much of it is very harvest-able.  I am that dreaded third set of seeds sown on the road, the ones that don’t quite die, but don’t bear any juicy grapes either (Mark 4:3-20). My seeds sort of languish for a bit, then the weeds come up and take over.  Occasionally, a bud might form here and there, but for the most part, it’s a case of a great beginning withering on the vine.

Here, in the peace of a foreign land, I can attempt to do something about these poor seedlings, give them a brighter future than living their life in the shade of some old weed.  What does this look like, then?  If I am not going to change the world in a big way, what’s a small thing I can do to get outta the weeds?

There was this woman at the concert last night…and I immediately did not care for her, felt her neediness, wanted her to just go away and let me decompress after the show. But, golly, she just wouldn’t leave.  I thought she had gone, but wham, then she’d be there next to me, long after the rest of the audience had left, just hanging out because she distantly knew a couple of guys in the band.  But she was shadowing me, next me constantly, and I hated it, hated it, hated it.

Finally, after an hour of hide and seek from her, I finally decided to relent and tried to engage in a bit of conversation with her.  In halting English, she explained she had no one, just a daughter who was in school, and two dogs.  She had no idea where she was going to end up living soon,  “Canada, maybe?”   She kept stressing that she was alone and there was a lot of freedom in this, but I also saw – once I stopped judging her for her neediness – that it was also a source of pain.

I don’t need to spell out for the highly intelligent people who read this blog that she is lonely.  Once I listened to her, she transformed from a needy hanger-on to a person chasing the same need for acceptance I do.  Someone just trying figure out what the point is, actually, of going to bed and getting out of it the next day.  Someone looking for answers and to connect with other people who might have them.

And, since you are all highly evolved thinkers, I probably don’t need to point out my obvious benefit in the conversation:   I got outta the weeds (at least for a minute).

Gwen Hughes was voted “Favorite Jazz Artist” (Creative Loafing), and has sung anywhere they will let her for over a decade. NARAS Board Governor 2008-2010, serving on Membership Committee, GA Music Advisory Committee; Advisory Board member, GOC Music/The Lowery Group; recent tours in Eastern Europe and North Africa created music clinics for children & adults, as well as concerts with local musicians in the regions; named Artist in Residence, GA Music Hall of Fame, 2009; bandleader, RETRO JAZZ KATS and CONTINENTAL DANCE ORCHESTRA, playing 200 dates a year; 5 albums on FAIRFIELD RECORDS, with placement in film, television and online media. Visit Gwen's website.
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