A few days ago, I drove through a sweet, cozy neighborhood in Atlanta where I used to live –certainly off the beaten path, like a well-kept secret. It’s shaded by tall, hundred-year-old pine trees, and has a sparkling creek running through the front yards.  Lush, green and quiet, this was a wonderful place to live.

The bittersweet part of it for me, though, was that this was the place where I made my home during a time when I experienced two heart-tugging losses in my life.  The first was the passing of my faithful 16-year old Norwegian Elkhound, Lucie Blue.  She had been thru many an adventure with me…she was fit, loyal, friendly and quite smart. Tho she adored (& was built for!) her life w/ me up in Wisconsin, she did quite well in the South. It was hard to let her go–Medical changes forecasted some troubling & painful days ahead for her, so I made the difficult decision to let her pass away with dignity intact. Adapting to my life without her, after all those years!, was harder than I had pictured and left a sadness in my heart.

The second loss I experienced during that time was my mother’s strong-spirited, loving, vibrant …but eventually fatal….struggle with lung cancer.  Each of us sisters felt a sadness and loss that were beyond words. After Mom’s passing, it was bittersweet that I felt Mom so vividly present when I’d spot dappled sunshine, pastel sunsets and beautiful days in nature. 

“Memmm’ries, light the corner of my mind”

With Barbra serenading in the background, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about consciously noticing Memories. Has it happened to you, too, that you vividly associate the physical place where you lived with the actual stages and chapters related to both the great Losses and great Delights in your life?  I think it surely is true that Place has a lot to do with our story and the experiences that make us most who we are.

Driving through that beautiful neighborhood brought back a flood of feelings, all in an instant:  the vivid pleasure of living in that pretty spot; the mind pictures of the 100 morning, mid-day and evening walks I took with Lucie Blue on those side streets; and the true presence of Mom right there, sitting ‘neath those trees and enjoying that sweet front porch.

Rather than swiftly stuff those memories down because I knew they’d hurt, I chose right then & there to pause, to sit for a while in that quiet, and to specifically conjure up mental snapshots of both those strong characters in my life. Losing them–while living in that place– was sad and difficult. My faithful dog Lucie Blue was a true gift in my life. And of course my wonderful mother Barbara was an amazing gift each and every day in my life as well –a strong, wise, and life-embracing woman.

Telling the truth about the grief I’ve felt through both of those losses really matters. Risking the sad feelings that come with them, I choose to savor and focus on and feel grateful for the difference these two made in my life.

Looking at these memories, I hold them up to the Light.  

Claudia Brogan is a lifelong trainer and educator, having worked and taught at universities in student leadership, psychology, student advising, and counseling. Lately, she's foraying into doing training in the public health arena, which is a very different world indeed, a risk in itself! She'll try anything once, if it sounds fun, and so she’s joining this circle of resourceful, colorful, gutsy women – what the hell?! Claudia can be reached on Facebook.
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