Well, I did it. I actually submitted an article for publication.

I’ve thought about doing this, talked about doing this, imagined myself doing this for years and suddenly one day last October, I did it. I’m not sure what made the difference. I had just given a presentation telling about my experience of grief over the death of our son. I’d been asked to do this for a group of people who facilitated small groups for a church and they wanted to know how to help anyone in their group who might lose a loved one. Well, I had become an unwilling expert on this subject. By that time, I had been at the monumental task of grieving the loss of my child for 2 years and 6 months, so the stinging pain was not as acute and the distance of time helped me to imagine I could. After making it through that (intact), I was struck that I had something I wanted to say, so I pulled an article out of what I’d shared and sent it off to a journal for grief and loss. It was received with kind and encouraging words – the very next day. I felt that was a positive sign and was, frankly, quite surprised. It isn’t a sure thing, yet, but I feel like I’ve been given the “yes” I somehow needed to think I could offer something in this way. And I think one of the things that made a difference is that I became disconnected from any expectations. It is amazing what you can do if you don’t depend upon a certain outcome. The risk disappears.

So, what is it you would like to do, but haven’t done because the risk loomed large? What expectations have tangled your freedom to try? Take an eraser to those . . . and see what opens up.

Janie Cook is a retired teacher who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, Gareth. She shares her days with family and friends (a precious privilege), facilitates a bereaved parents’ support group and enjoys digging in the Texas Hill Country dirt & learning about natural gardening.
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