Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve been raised to ‘keep people happy’–to go along to get along–to nod and Agree. To play nice with others.
Yes indeedy, those are wonderful things. But in truth, that Agreeing- mode tends to limit you when you have a differing opinion from the others, when you see it from a different angle, or actually want to poke at the truth a little bit.
And knowing that ‘my turn was coming around’ on this posting opportunity caused me to ask myself: what’s the risk I’m aware of these days, that I’d like to attend to?
The trick/test/challenge I’m feeling very aware of is: Finding my voice when I disagree and want to speak up. I can literally or figuratively feel myself sort of hemming and hawing…or even apologizing (in little or big ways) for seeing it differently.
One risk I want to pay attention to is nudging myself out of the People Pleasing Mode, and aiming to be *authentic.* Living authentically in the moment seems to clearly not be a …Whoosh!…and you’re done. Instead, it’s a moment-by-moment paying attention to things.
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. ” Josh Billings
In little ways and in big ways, I want to be mindful: to say yes when I consciously do choose a thing…and to say a No when that’s what I feel.
Knowing when to No…..that seems to be a good question worth mulling. Seems like that’s one way that each one of us can build a life that feels like it really does belong to us.
Claudia Brogan is a lifelong trainer and educator, having worked and taught
at universities in student leadership, psychology, student advising, and
counseling. Lately, she's foraying into doing training in the public health arena, which is a very different world indeed, a risk in itself! She'll try anything once, if it sounds fun, and so she’s joining this circle of resourceful, colorful, gutsy women – what the hell?! Claudia can be reached on Facebook.
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Good food for thought Claud, wise woman. I am inspired by your bravery (all the time) and especially when it comes to being clear!
I, too, struggle with knowing when to “No” – thanks for the reminder that being true is more “right” than being nice.
I say YES to saying NO! Thanks to lovely Claudia for saying what so many of us experience!
A friend of mine tweeted the following last week:
No is a complete sentence.
I think it's when we forget that we don't have to justify our Nos that we get into deep water. We worry that we have to explain ourselves to others, yet if you simply say No, and nothing else, people seem to understand that it's really No. Funny how that works. The more we explain, it seems, the less we really mean it.
Great post, Claudia!