Several months ago, I went to see a consultant whose job it is, through her employment at a state organization, to advise small  business owners on marketing and other business building strategies.  I had worked with her previously, much earlier in my process of becoming an entrepreneur.  At the time, I didn’t get much value from the interactions, but I chalked it up to one of several things:  how “green” I was, what an unprepared client I was, or something to that effect.  In other words, I made it my fault.  When I went back to see her, being anything but green, I was hoping for a better result.  However, at the end of our most recent interaction, I felt even less assisted than last time.  And, to say the least, I felt more frustrated and misunderstood.

A little while later, I received a request to fill out an online survey from this organization.  So, in response to their request, I completed the survey; and in my answers, I told the truth.  Really, what else could I do?  I could have just thrown it away, I guess, or lied in my answers, but neither of those options would have done anyone any good, least of all me.  By answering honestly, I felt, perhaps I could help the organization do a better job of working with business owners like myself.  And, if nothing else, I could state my truth and be heard by someone, even if just by me!

Sounds good, right?  It is, except for one thing.  I made an assumption that was incorrect.  This was not a confidential survey. The answers, my answers, which were intended by me to go into some pool of responses, to someone within “the organization” for input into some kind of review and then course correction, apparently went right to the woman I wrote about so honestly.  Ugh.

And how do I know this?  Because she called me!!!  Luckily, I wasn’t here and so she left a message.  But in the message she asked me to call her back to discuss my comments.  So this leads me to my risk.  That’s right – I’m going to call her back.  I am going to have a conversation with her.  I am going to remember to speak from the “I” perspective, and to not use any of the four horsemen that I learned about in Organization and Relationship Systems Coach training – Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Blame/Criticism and Contempt.  It may be painful – for both of us – but this thing hanging over my head is also painful.  And if I want to be rewarded with something different, then I have to take a risk.

So send me some good energy, OK?  And if I live through it, I’ll let you know how it goes…

PS I love the title, “It’s not me.  It’s you.”  But as I read over this post before pushing publish, I realize that it’s really not me or her.  It’s we.  It’s us. It’s nobody.  It’s everybody.  It’s the relationship.  It’s the system.  And not only does nobody get to be wrong, everybody gets to be right, even if it’s only 2 percent!  But that’s for another post…

Laura Biering has an infectious zeal for coaching people who want to do enlivening work and live inspired lives. She's fired up about the power of taking risks - great and small - and the rewards that come as a result. She's also passionate about (1) creativity and authenticity and their potential to change the world, (2) frolicking with her adorable four-legged children, and (3) retreating with those she loves at her farm in Southeast Georgia, Brinson's Race. Visit her website at True Voices.
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