I guess I’m a person with talents. I have some talents – some more developed than others. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw/paint. My father could and I have wanted to be able to also. I have taken some classes in drawing and I showed some talent but nothing to “write home about.” I’m just an OK sketcher.
When I really get down to it, my perfectionism gets in the way. I know that’s a problem. I want it to be good from the very first. Julia Cameron tells us over and over in ARTIST’S WAY that we should be kind to ourselves. Being good at whatever your art is takes time. Still I don’t want something I do to look amateurish or bad or just goofy – even when I’m the only one who’ll be seeing it.
I have supplies. They are stacked neatly gathering dust. Julia Cameron tell us it’s the process that’s important. I have lots of supplies – as if having them makes a difference.
Just the other day I had an hour or two with nothing planned and nothing I really had to do. I thought I’d might sketch IF there were a sketch book near the top of the pile that I might easily find. Then, maybe I’d draw a bit. The sketch book couldn’t be too big or too little though. I reached in and found easily a sketch book just the right size. “Okay,” I thought. “I’ll just mess around for a little while.” And so I sketched for a little bit – gently on the paper – almost afraid to make a dark mark. It seemed to me that color would be nice and so I looked at the front of the sketch book and saw that it was water color paper. “Okay,” I thought, “if I can find my water colors, I’ll mess around a little bit with them.”
When I went back to my art supply stash, I found that there were some water colors on top – as if right there waiting for me. I’ve never had instruction with water colors but I dabbled with colors on the sketched form for quite awhile and finally stopped. It’s not good. But, it’s not scarily bad either. My husband says it’s good but he’d say that anyway. I’ve kept it out where I can see it and I have figured out some ways to make it better (I think). I’m going to try it and see if it helps. Or, I could just start over.
This morning I opened my “Artist’s Way Every Day” daily readings to find the following from Julia Cameron:
“The idea that the biggest secret of making art might just be -MAKING SOME ART is a conclusion the ego works very hard to avoid. The ego wants us to be “in the mood” to make art at the very least. And yet, as any working artist will honestly tell you, waiting for the mood is a huge time waster. We are married to our art and just as the first caress can lead to interest between a long-married couple, the first lick of work can lead to an appetite for work. In other words, mood more often follows action than instigates.”
Thank you, Julia Cameron!! It was as if she knew about me – as if she were talking directly to me.
And so, my risk is going to be just showing up with paper and pencil/ink/water color… in hand and allowing myself to just do something! It can only get better. Right?
Mary Ann Taylor is a retired banker who's embarrassed to be technoligically illiterate, but proud to be Laura's mother. She realizes that at her advanced age, she's done more risking than she has yet to do, but is willing to risk this.
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The picture you created is a part of you, I’m certain it’s beautiful.
It’s supposed to be fun. It is often hard to accept that you can only be exactly where you are. This is especially true whenever you are learning something new. It is a process of “learning”, not “knowing”. We want to be at the end, instead of at the beginning, but we can only be as far along as we have learned to be. Because artwork is visible, we fear it will be compared and judged and found lacking. But we are our harshest critics.
It’s supposed to be fun! The whole thing. It is the process of creating, not only the end result, that brings us joy. It is in those moments when we discover how much we have learned that we feel a sense of accomplishment. Those are the wonderful “Aha!” moments, and they that thrill us.
Trust me, there is much more process in creating art than there are results. If you can accept the process, in and of itself, making art will be joyful. It is when we let go and allow ourselves to “make mud”, an unattractive mess, that we learn how to do things better. Only then. If you don’t “make mud” you can’t make something you love.
Twyla Tharp, an amazing choreographer, has written a book titled “The Creative Habit – Learn it and use it for life”. She talks about showing up. She talks about good habits. She recognizes that sometimes, no matter what you do, you will get stuck. Working through those stuck times will lead you to your best work. And then, you’ll be at the beginning again, as you strive to learn more skills to achieve even better results.
Love the process. It’s supposed to be fun.
Amen, MAT! And by the way, I have seen your much of your work, and I would argue with you about whether or not it is something to “write home about!” I was just thinking yesterday that I’d love to have that piece you did of Roxie!
I have returned to read your post every day. You have caught my attention on a very deep level.
Thank you for reminding me that we have to “show up”, that we have to risk the process and the results. As a fellow “perfectionist”, I too get caught up in what I think “the result” should be and forget how sweet “the process” can be.