OK, so this is the entry I was hoping I would not have to write. The risk I took last month in allowing my daughter to prove her trustworthiness did not turn out as I had wished. If y’all remember, I left town recently for a beach vacation and left her in the care of a friend’s parents. Astonishingly, Chelsea managed to throw the identical, strictly forbidden party at our house a second time, only this time someone called the cops and she had to be picked up at the police precinct by her other mother. My vacation quickly ground to a halt, and I packed up the next morning and headed home a day early. It doesn’t help that Chelsea’s other mother blames me for leaving my daughter in a position to make the same mistake twice. It was a risk I thought was worth taking, but as Roxann pointed out, that’s why they’re called risks and not certainties.
So, what’s the lesson here? Don’t risk when it involves a teenager with pre-determined impulse control issues? Risk with one eye open? Expect the best but prepare for the worst? Don’t get too attached to a perfect outcome? Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug?
Randy Foster is a confused communications professional who was recently laid off from her job of 22 years, and thus unemployed for the first time in 34 years. She has no earthly idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life, but figured things can't get any riskier, so what the hell. Randy is also the single mother of a very high maintenance teen-aged daughter who remains the greatest risk of all.
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I laughed out loud when I read the last sentence. Splat!
You weren’t expecting a perfect outcome. You were expecting a reasonable outcome, based on a number of sincere discussions and behavioral changes over the course of a year. You didn’t get a reasonable outcome. You got a disaster.
I believe your willingness to risk, trust, and extend another chance to your daughter speaks volumes about you, your values, and your honesty. Maybe Chelsea will “get it” someday. Maybe she won’t. You won’t know until you take another risk with her. Eh, probably not in the near future
I find being a good mother the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted. I applaud you for doing your job and trying to let your daughter grow. It’s her job to prove that she has or she hasn’t. Clearly she hasn’t. Yet.
The opinion of on-lookers is unwanted unless they’re willing to get in there and get their hands dirty doing the work it takes to raise a child.
“Other” mothers, if you’re referring to your ex-husband’s next wife, have no business giving their opinions as if they are A mother. She was a taxi cab from the police station of her own volition and where was she when the daughter was going to be left alone in the first place?
Hang in there mom! Concern is the key!