I wasn’t on the debate club in high school. I was the one in the family who watched as my two big sisters argued with my Dad about current events. I remember vividly their discussions at the dinner table about the Vietnam War, Capitol Punishment (why do people kill people, who kill people to show people, that killing people is wrong) Hair, Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar. I grew up in an age, and in a family, that speaking what was on your mind was not only encouraged, it is what you did. But not me, I sat quietly and observed both sides and took it all in.
It’s not surprising then, these many years later, that I still sit on the sidelines when it comes to debates. What am I afraid of? I guess I never felt qualified to defend my point of view. I guess I thought the other person probably was smarter than me. But, now I am realizing, that indeed I do have opinions they aren’t always the same as “everybody” else’s.
The other day I sat down to have a conversation with a new friend of mine. Everything was going well until she said a disparaging word about The President. I was knocked down, blindsided, very surprised and a little hurt. My inner voice said “oh well, I guess we won’t be friends after all. That’s too bad, since she is a lovely person and we will be running into each other quite frequently.” That’s it! With one disagreement I had written off her friendship.
Well, thanks to this risk-a-day business, I have had a change of heart. I have decided that having this woman as a friend is worthwhile. I could stuff my loyalties and just not bring up politics EVER again. Or, I could muster up my courage and stand firm in my convictions. It is much easier to remain with your posse and always have the comfort of being agreement with all those around you. OR you can engage with those who may have different opinions and share what is on your mind.
Oh no! What if she calls me out on my opinion!? What if she calls me an idiot,or worse… WRONG! Truth is, I have good things to say. I don’t have to change her mind, and I probably won’t. But in this case, I think her friendship is worth a risk. Two simple words: “I disagree”. Whew! That wasn’t so bad!
Betsey Brogan is on her way to creating World Peace - one massage at a time. On-site Chair Massage and In-Home table massage. Bringing Stress Relief to You.
Email this author | All posts by Betsey Brogan
I could have written this, Betsy. More power to you!
Yay, Betsy!! You go girl!
I think it’s an important point you make when you talk about the recognition that stating your opinion isn’t necessarily about changing the other person’s mind, but more about honoring yourself.
(And I really love that “thanks to this risk-a-day business” line. I can so TOTALLY relate!)
way.
to.
go.
so well said. i could feel myself breathing better, as i read this, thinking, you know: you’re totally right. realizing that you may not change her opinion is so healthy from the very start. lets you off the Debating-Mode, helps you realize you’re just 2 humans–each with the right to an opinion. and continuing to be gracious to her is a great way to Be in this. who knows? maybe she doesn’t have anybody in her circles that says good stuff abt the President, and now she will. maybe she’ll give the topic at least another thought or two. so well said. and i think it’s at least worth the try. and the Being
Wow, Ms. Betsey –
Thank you for this – for the reminder, for the permission, for the courage. You surely DO have something to say! love, la
Good on you, Bets. I, also, was/am a sideline observer, and for years it was for similar reasons as the ones you state above. I wasn’t articulate enough, I would get flustered and cry, I wasn’t smart enough to back up what I said…etc.
Now I still sit and observe, but I think it allows me to sort things through, weighing both sides, and formulate an opinion that comes from my own cogitating, and not just from parroting what I’ve heard one side say. (Not a dittohead, I.)
When I (way too frequently) run into people who are on a differing end of the sociopolitical spectrum than I am, I use my powers of observation to see if respectful debate is possible. If so, GREAT! One can only grow by allowing people who see things differently into one’s life. If not, I try to keep the interactions with that person away from argument over opinions that aren’t likely to change.