I missed my risk entry this month. Totally missed it. Two days later, I noticed.
This isn’t supposed to happen. I should be able to handle all my commitments. I don’t really have all that many. I’ve pared down to the minimum. There’s the kid — enough said about that — and then there’s the job — we’ve already heard enough about that too — and that seems to be about all I can handle these days. Lately, the job has been so all-consuming that nothing else is getting done. Can’t remember the last time I exercised. Can’t remember doing anything else on the weekends but catching up on lost sleep and running errands. My friends miss me and are starting to complain. Can’t remember the last time I saw my girlfriend. I think it was last weekend but I’m not completely sure …
I don’t mean to whine. I just want to know how women do it. How do you work an intense job with long hours and so much stress that all you can do after your hellish commute home is stagger into your house, rip off your monkey suit, crawl into bed and collapse? I don’t hate my job. I’m grateful to have it. I even really like the people I work with. But this pace is exhausting me, and there’s no time and no energy for anything else. How do you do it?
Randy Foster is a confused communications professional who was recently laid off from her job of 22 years, and thus unemployed for the first time in 34 years. She has no earthly idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life, but figured things can't get any riskier, so what the hell. Randy is also the single mother of a very high maintenance teen-aged daughter who remains the greatest risk of all.
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Randy: thank you for this great note. And can I just say, it’s verrry interesting to me, to see the lack of a flood of immediate responses. I’m not sure exactly how to interpret that–but one thought (for me) is that folks, as reading this, are not even sure for themselves that they DO have their act together. That they’ve got answers figured out. That lots more of us feel like we’re having occasional moment-victories, and then turn to find 4 loads of waiting laundry. So I just say: thanks for your real-ness and authentic, smart questions. I don’t know what the answers are…but I like that we’re all in this together~~~
I agree with Claudia, Randy. I don’t know how I “do it”…other than just getting to it when my feet hit the floor each morning. I swear to myself each week that I’m not going to work all weekend, yet the only time that actually is true is when I have a drama-filled weekend like this one…which is equally draining.
Yes, I don’t know what the answers are, but I’m sure glad I’m not alone in it.
Randy, my dearest friend, I didn’t write right away because I want to think about this for a while. AS, you know, my schedule if much more flexible now, and my load has lightened considerably.
When I had my own business and was responsible for training my employees, servicing my customers, producing all the corporate identity collateral materials, prospecting for new business, acted as the company technical support for everything from computers, printers, faxes, to multi-line phones systems. and keeping on top of all the tax and payroll paperwork, it was daunting and exhausting. And I wasn’t guaranteed a paycheck. I actually have a pay stub that, after taxes and health insurance deductions, was a net zero. I plan to frame it.
The main thing I did was to change my attitude about work. I realized that my real job description was that of problem solver. Somehow knowing & accepting that definition helped my mental state.
I did have a husband, who did the food shopping and cooking. Otherwise, I hired whatever help I could afford. Do you know that their are people/services that WILL do your laundry, delivery your dry cleaning,fulfill your grocery list and deliver the items? Of course, I know you already avail yourself as well as the clean house? I did all of my own home maintenance because it doubled as a work out. I also had two stepdaughters to whom I delegated some of the house work. Very little, but they didn’t live with us full-time.
Are you eating good food with enough protein? Are you practicing good sleep hygiene so you’re getting as much rest as possible. Are there squeezes or stretches that you can do during your long commute, or conversely, can you use the time to breathe into relaxing and not letting the traffic aggravate or lead you to be stressed. I mediated 10 minutes a day. If you force yourself to take even a 15 minute walk, you will have more energy – I promise. My then housecleaner made the suggestion, and you can imagine how exhausted she felt at the end of the day. I exercised while watching TV. I did things that took up only small amounts of time, to assure I’d actually get them done. It DID make a different.
I found when I neglected myself, I ended up spending money on things that I didn’t need, but gave me an immediate “feel good I ate things I didn’t need, either. I also isolated, and that was a huge mistake.
I’m under a different kind of stress now, and it isn’t nearly as hard time-wise, although it has been emotionally devastating until recently. Remember when I was loosing my hair from the stress? I contend now with a low paying, mentally and physically taxing job which is very hard on my wrists (both of which have had surgery) and my feet (which both have joint replacements). I suffer with depression, for which I take my medication and my exercise most seriously. There are other issues, but other than money, my stress is nothing like it used to be, and not nearly as hard as yours is now.
The bottom line is this; if you don’t change how you’re doing things, things aren’t going to change. Cortisol will make you ill. It can kill you eventually. It make me almost constantly sick, until I made the changes I mentioned.
I want you to be happy, and I want you to be healthy. I want you to find joy in your life. The things I did might not be right for you (except the exercise and sleep, which is the same for everyone). But I refer back to my summation statement: if you don’t change how you’re doing things, things won’t change.
You know I love you.
P.S. I missed my blog by a day, and I have alarms and calendar notices for everything, including when I need to eat, snack, and go to bed. Progress not perfection, honey.
Take it one day at a time. Or one hour at a time if you need to. Sometimes we have to be content with whatever is our personal “all we can handle”.