When Olympic skater Evan Lysacek won gold in men’s figure skating last week, he cried with joy.
Evan Lysacek
His coach, however, was embarrassed by such an outward show of emotion. Coach Frank Carroll was quoted in the New York Times as saying, “I kept wanting to say, ‘Stop it, just stop it.’ I’m very stoic in a way, very disciplined, and I think, when the ski jumpers, when they win, they don’t start to cry. Let’s put it this way: I don’t like figure skaters to cry.”
I’m not here to judge Frank Carroll’s opinion, but to reflect on my reaction to it.
I come from pleasant, upbeat people who don’t cry and emote in big ways (we do laugh a lot!). Emotion – when absolutely necessary – would sort of neatly leak out. Not too much. Easy clean up. This was Tide® Country, after all!
Somewhere along the path, I began to discover the beauty of raw emotion and felt a strong pull toward it. Fast forward to now (and after much unpeeling of myself over many years): I’m pretty darned comfortable with a wide range of emotion – whether mine or someone else’s. I can be with a lot. And yet, I can still feel that tug in the “oh-my-god-don’t-let-anybody-see-this-sloppy-outburst” direction on occasion, so I can partly relate to Frank. But I know that reaction comes from my most stifled, scared, lizard-brained place. Not a very alive place within me. And I’m glad I don’t spend too much time there.
I’m particularly enthralled with tears of joy. How much more ALIVE can one be?! And to share your joy with others – telecast to the entire planet, as Evan did – I see this as a gift, an invitation for the rest of us to find our deepest joy and release it into the world. Cry me a river of joy-filled tears.
Composer Edward Joseph Collins said, “By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it.”
I invite you to take the risk of experiencing full, perfumed emotion.
And my risk? Well, I have toyed with an idea for a good long while now, and I am taking the (gulp) risk of saying it out loud so that it may come to some form of fruition: The Tears of Joy Project. I want to gather up people’s stories and examples of when they experienced tears of joy. I have no idea what format this will take – a book, a blog, a Spielberg movie?
But for now, as a first tiny (risky) step, I begin by asking YOU: What scene from a movie evokes tears of joy for you? Be specific and tell us why you think this scene sparks such joy. (And let me know if I have permission to collect your story for some future “whatever” thing that I will create.)
I’ll start by sharing one of my favorite examples in the comments here on riskaday.com (so if you are reading on Facebook or elsewhere, come over to the blog and join in the JOY!).
Martha Carnahan coaches entrepreneurs, leaders and marketers in the professional services world. She has noticed that taking risks, whether bold and scary or seemingly small (and easy to avoid) creates a fresh awareness of the joy, audacity and quiet reverence of a full-spectrum life. Its not just about doing more stuff its about hanging out more in the sweet spot of life. Visit Martha's website.
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A movie scene that brings me tears of joy is from “That Thing You Do.” It’s the scene where the guys in the band & Liv Tyler hear their song on the radio for the first time — they whoop and dance and express such great excitement and joy… it gets me every time! For me, it’s that joyful feeling of being recognized, acknowledged and celebrated, and seeing a dream come true. I think the joy for me in this scene is also about their full-out expression of their joy. Beautiful.
I think tears are sacred. I never hide mine.
Martha, My tears of joy surface during a scene in the Horse Whisperer when the young lady who hasn’t riden in some time moves in the area of getting her horse to trust her. With Robert Redford’s help, she is able to move from fear to faith.
Sweet Martha – here’s mine. In the movie Shawshank Redemption, a movie about hope and friendship, when Red reads Andy’s letter asking him to join him in Mexico. The letter ends with ‘Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.’ Makes me weep every single time! It speaks to a part of my soul that knows beyond a doubt that it’s true.
Thanks for your “scenes,” Lindsay and Veronica! Shawshank is one of my alltime favorites and I do recall the joy of that scene. I need to re-watch Horse Whisperer sometime soon, I can tell!
Who else has a Tears of Joy scene? This is getting fun!
Okay, here is one sent to me by Betsey… the Olympics commercial where the moms sing “You’ll Never Walk Alone.”
Joyful Hankie, please.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo0ejBHp8UI
I don’t remember the exact moment, but LOVE it when the William Hurt character in The Accidental Tourist finally gives in to love and joy and being with the quirky alive, Geena Davis! Gets me every time.
Mine is the scene after Shelby’s burial in “Steel Magnolias” when M’Lynn is raging on about how no, she is NOT ok…she just had to bury her daughter and her grandson is going to have to grow up without knowing his mother and she’s mad…really mad…and Clairee shoves Ouiser in front of her and says, “Here! Hit Ouiser!!” and everyone immediately shifts from tears to belly laughs. Then Truvy says, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.” I agree.
I saw this movie for the first time on Thanksgiving Day, 1989. I was newly divorced for the first time, and took my oldest son with me (he was 2 at the time). He slept through the movie, and I was all emotional because he looked like Jack, the little boy in the movie. Of course, I was sitting there imagining Joey having to grow up without me, so I was a boo-hooin’ to beat the band. That scene came along and I was as shocked into laughter as the women in the movie were.
You’re kidding right? Asking a Brogan to name one movie that induces tears of joy is like trying to hand you a grain of sand or describe my favorite sunset ever. It really can’t be done. Although, I agree with Suzanne, that is the best line EVER about this phenomenon you are writing about. I love that you are exploring this with us and with yourself.
In Jr. High my buds and I went to see Bless the Beasts and the Children. That is the first time I remember “crying out loud” without regard for what others thought. It was a very freeing moment in time for me. I am feeling sad and by golly I am going to cry. It can get a little ridiculous when my sisters and I watch a movie together. It has become a spectator sport for my nephews. “Are you crying yet?”
I wonder if you are also going to discuss crying in church, crying at commercials, crying anytime anyone performs (almost always!) . Thanks for the exercise!
I love the scene in “Billy Elliott” where he finally gets to dance.
That’s a great one, Tricia!! Thanks for chiming in!