You invited us to risk being faithless on Monday. You asked us what we think. I began a reply to that post, but when I realized how long it was getting, I thought I’d post it as a new post, instead.

For me, at least, it helps to have the context of the passage in which that line appears:

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

But that combination of faithless and trustworthy in the same question just “klinks” in my brain…I need more context. So I went to the dictionary, to see if there was some meaning for faithless that I didn’t know.

I found:

Main Entry: faith·less
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century

1 : not true to allegiance or duty : treacherous, disloyal (a faithless servant)
2 : not to be relied on : untrustworthy (a faithless tool)

So, with the combination of the context of the passage and that first definition of faithless…I think I begin to see what she’s asking, and how, being faithless – or not true to allegiance or duty – could possibly allow you to be ‘therefore trustworthy.’

It’s so…congruent…for me that you posted this, as these very questions are the ones with which my son and I are grappling.

I can disappoint another to be true to myself. So, can he. This past couple of weeks have been particularly hard because – for each of us – being true to ourselves has meant disappointing the other. The paradox of our situation is that some of the qualities I most admire in him, that I do my level best to model myself, are what are getting him into trouble with me. (Misapplication of virtue? Maybe…)

I can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray my own soul. I have had to learn that to get to where I am. I know how to be strong enough to weather the accusations of others while bearing witness to my own truth. He is just beginning to learn this one…to even think at this level.

But, can I be faithless and therefore trustworthy? Can I be ‘not true to allegiance or duty’…and does that include allegiance or duty to myself or does she mean to only anything else? This one…I don’t know. And if I don’t know, and I’m grown…how do I expect my 16 y/o son to know?

So, my dear Laura, I choose to believe she means faithless to anything other than our own truth. And in choosing that, I know that I am also risking accusations of betrayal from others when I lean toward exploring these questions openly with my son rather than demanding my pound of flesh for his transgressions. I’d far rather engage him in this conversation and help him find his own answers – even if it means they contrast my own – than to ground his butt and call it good.

He told me this morning he’d rather be grounded. Can’t say as I blame him. I probably would have chosen that too, at his age.

It can be hard to be my kid. Sometimes it’s hard to be me.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

There is hope, because yes, I can, and yes, I do. My goal is that he be able to say the same far sooner in life than I could.

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Suzanne Bird-Harris would like to say she made the leap from Corporate America to web coach / WordPress developer on her own terms...but no, she lost her job after the CEO ran off with the 401K funds and went to jail. So, she started her own business with 3 kids, 2 dogs and a cat in tow on Dec. 6, 2002. It's been a wild ride, worth every risk, and she now proudly deems herself "pyschologically unemployable".
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