I have been aware for a good bit that my wants are often muffled. The more this awareness grows, the more painful the question,”What do you want?” becomes.
Today I shall risk turning up the volume on my wants. Just to feel them. Just to experiment. Just to see if I can. I risk… wanting “too much,” or the empty feeling of wanting nothing. Or forgetting to do the assignment – failing myself. I risk being disappointed if I want something I cannot have. I risk having to soar if wanting lights me up.
So. Here goes…
Martha Carnahan coaches entrepreneurs, leaders and marketers in the professional services world. She has noticed that taking risks, whether bold and scary or seemingly small (and easy to avoid) creates a fresh awareness of the joy, audacity and quiet reverence of a full-spectrum life. Its not just about doing more stuff its about hanging out more in the sweet spot of life. Visit Martha's website.
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Amen!If we don’t ask, we don’t get.
Ahhhh, Roxann, you point to an important distinction: wanting vs. getting.
I believe I tend to tamp down my wants/desires/dreams/imagination because I move too quickly to the “how.” Which may indeed lead to asking for what I want, as you mention.
Asking is an important skill too, but my risk today (and I will keep playing with it for a few days) is purely to want. This is even trickier than asking. Maybe I’ll act on some of my wants, but the idea is to let myself want without attachment to actually getting. So, I wanted fritos with my lunch – I had them. But I also played with wanting to take a class I’m interested in that would be a financial strain right now. Instead of shutting off my desire, I’m dreaming, wanting, imagining being in the class with no attachment to whether it really happens. It’s very freeing and I can already see some creative new alternatives emerge that probably wouldn’t have if I had just told myself “No, you can’t have that, so don’t bother wanting it.”
The old way is: I want X. I can’t have X because of Y or Z. So I will deny that I ever even wanted X. True, there is an inherent disappointment lurking there. But the whole point of my risk is to learn to “be with” the possibility of disappointment… which I suspect will allow me to dream bigger, imagine bigger, want bigger… and end up in places WAY beyond my original intent. Just a hunch!
I also played today with wanting to be a bird for one day– a very fun stretch for the underused imagination!
Hopefully that’s making sense!
I love this, Martha – thanks for clarifying. It certainly gives me even more to think about… and want!
Even being *aware* of the wants is a good and clarifying awareness. we’ve been well-schooled in the stuffing-down of that. so i say, yes Naming the Wants is a good and gracious practice. way to go…..