Once I had an employer who told me that he always gave me what I asked for, because he had learned that I only asked for what I needed, and that granting my request would be good for the company, as well as good for me. I wish everyone felt that way, because I believe it is usually true. At least this part of it – I have found when I am true to myself, ultimately, things tend to work out best for everyone involved. This isn’t always obvious – sometimes not to me, and oftener not to the other parties.

Asking for what I want or need in a relationship is risky business. This is true whether it is with my stepchildren, at work, in a friendship, or with a romantic interest. In the best of circumstances, my requests will be embraced enthusiastically, or a reasonable compromise will be reached. In other situations, I risk that the answer will be an emphatic “No!”, or, at the very worse, that the relationship can become damaged, perhaps irrevocably, because of asking at all.

Today I asked for what I want in a relationship with a special friend. I asked for answers to some difficult questions. I trusted that I would be told the truth, even if it proved to be uncomfortable for either of us. I felt I understood my friend well enough in some respects to anticipate the answers to the questions, and I felt that I had achieved a measure of wisdom and clarity when the expected answers proved to be accurate. Wisdom is good. I had planned to ask for certain behavioral changes, and there I was clueless on what to expect. Perhaps these behaviors do not come easily to my friend. Perhaps these behaviors are uncomfortable. Perhaps there is no desire to accommodate me. As it turned out, we simply ran out of time.

It has been so very hard to sort through my reactions, often hurt and puzzlement, to discern my core feelings, and to find the courage to ask for things for I want. I felt vulnerable about asking. Correction – I FEEL vulnerable. I cherish this relationship, and I am aware of what I could be risking. It troubles me greatly.

I don’t know what will happen when we get to talk again. I am not sure what I will need to do next. Can I live with things as they are? Do I want to do that? Will I need to say “goodbye”? Am I ready to do that? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

But if I knew the answers, I wouldn’t be taking a risk.

Roxann Souci As an abstract painter working with brightly colored, translucent acrylics, Roxann expresses her passion through her artwork. "I want to touch touch people's emotions with my art. I want to bring joy". At a pivotal time in her life, her fellow bloggers have been a source of strength and encouragement. Her artwork can be found at her on-line gallery. my website.
Email this author | All posts by Roxann Souci